How to Use Words to Change / Create Your Experience
You are where you are in life, because of your words. Sounds strange, doesn’t it? But it is how you use the meanings that are evoked by your words that cause your experience of life. All of the “conversations” you’ve had in the past… led to all of the decisions that came out of those conversations… which led to all of the actions (that were mostly reactions), that had their roots in those decisions. And all of this has created your sense of worth, your self-confidence, your self-esteem, which keep you from seeing other ways of viewing life, of accomplishing things, and has led you to the very environment and circumstances you live in today.
“If those dialogues (with yourself and others) had been of a higher quality, would you be worse off, or in a better state?” The answer is always better!
If you want to improve the quality of your life, your relationships and how things happen, then you begin by improving the quality of your thinking, your conversations, and your use of words.
This is a skillful understanding…
How you create your life, your experience, is formed from your perceived sense of meanings. Your life and experience come either from conditioning and habitual ways of experiencing, or they are created intentionally through the purposeful use of meanings that are related to your use of words. All meaning is described, acted upon, creates effects in your life, and are habituated by the repeated use of one’s words.
There are principally two types of meaning that can exist because of the way people speak their lives into existence. One type uses negative descriptors, leading to deepening in negativity and hence increasing suffering. Meanings that are empty and engender boredom are a mild form of negative meaning and suffering.
The other use of meaning inspires and aims you at well-being and fulfillment.
To clarify, meanings created through the use of one’s words point the way to the types of experiences that people are directing themselves to have. Meanings don’t actually themselves give or create an experience, but focus does. Meanings suggest a path for focus. Continued focus creates the type of experience. When people don’t decide or don’t know how to decide what their meanings are and where they are going in life, they have no influence over how they experience life. In lieu of other pointers such as strong determination, practiced and firm values, or the conscious use of intention, the habitual use of words (meanings) becomes the basis of any experiences that follow. When types of meaning are repeated over and over, the resulting types of experiences become more and more prevalent. In other words, they become habits. Meanings point to experience and the way we ourselves focus, creates that experience. However, we often react as if the external world or other people caused the experience.
When people say they want to have a more meaningful life, or more meaning in their life, what they are actually saying is they want more fulfilling experiences. Meaning that is based upon positively focussed learning and creating automatically leads to experiences that are fulfilling. This phenomenon of experiencing is a side effect of an individual’s way of focussing upon their meanings (words). Positively focussed meaning, through constructive focus, instigates a search for creativity, for what is purposeful, and for action that takes nothing for granted (versus reacting). This focussed use of meaning builds and supports learning, firms determination, strengthens skills and develops forms of creativity that become the basis for self-reliance. This leads to the realization of how to create with meanings (“made up” from one’s words) one’s very circumstances of life. Meanings that are purposefully made up and are creatively perpetuated, inevitably lead to greater and greater fulfillment.
Simply, improving your self-talk and dialogues with others naturally and quickly brings about improved performance and creativity, in every area of your life. Improved performance and creativity leads to improvement in all facets of life. Why? An improved dialogue with yourself and others focusses into conversations and habits of thinking about:
- what can be improved and needs improving
- ways of growing
- the ways that things work and looking for or creating more ways
- what requires more attention
- deeper comprehension of relationships and communicating
- the ways and the value of inspiring the best in oneself and others
- mastering skillful attitudes
- understanding the value of optimal performance
- becoming solution oriented rather than problem fixated
- developing solutions as a way of living life
- the power and value of honesty and transparency
- love, intimacy, connecting and letting go
- why you do and do not fulfill your choices
- why responding and working skillfully in life is the basis of choice
- why expectations and entitlements don’t work
Responsibility is response−ability, the ability to respond skilfully. It is the ability to skilfully choose both ahead of time and under pressure, how to act and respond. How? Improve the quality of your use of meanings by asking better questions! First, by asking yourself better questions, then by asking better questions about the ways things work in life.
Asking better questions develops a mindset that looks for ways to create in and with life. Creating with circumstances in life is always a progressive way of improving living life.
Words define our possibilities and the very circumstances of our lives. Change the words that you habitually use and you will change the way you experience life. Recognize how words influence not just you, but how they affect others and even life circumstances around you and you will have learned…
the first great secret for creating a life of choice.
Next post: the power of asking questions skillfully.